I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
