I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dicks are not precious.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
