my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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