I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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