Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have aggressive nipples.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
