I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
