So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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