The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
