Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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