I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
