im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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