need another drink. this is the easiest way
we have pet lesbian snakes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
