Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My ass is underappreciated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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