i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
