Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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