if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
