I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
