Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
