You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize