some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
