if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
