Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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