i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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