She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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