I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
