sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
