I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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