I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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