On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
