we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
