So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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