i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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