I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
