wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
