If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
