420 ftw
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
