Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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