I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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