i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
