I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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