And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
