I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
