She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
