I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
