just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
