Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
