Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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