the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
