I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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