I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
