Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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