last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
