What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
