Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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