Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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