i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
