Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
