I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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