you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
