my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
