I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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