4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
