I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
