And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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