I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
