he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
